so, here is something i have been keeping to myself. i got pregnant again & had a very early miscarriage (at four weeks). it’s okay. we weren’t trying to get pregnant. it was a total accident. (i wish it had been so easy to get pregnant with ramona.) had it stuck & we followed through on it, the due date would have been november 29, which is the day before ramona turns two. we do want another kid eventually, but not quite so soon. maybe when ramona is more like three–closer to being fully potty trained, better on her feet, etc. i don’t relish the thought of needing a double stroller & having two in diapers, & jared wants to have his dissertation finished before he has two kids.
so a lot of stuff about last week (when this happened) was not very fun, & i’m a tiny bit anxious about knowing i had a miscarriage when i am so close to being 35 & of “advanced maternal age,” but it’s truly okay. i have read that some astronomical number of pregnancies end at around four weeks, usually for reasons of chromosomal abnormalities. so i am choosing not to worry about it too much. jared said, “work dad is immensely relieved. weekend dad was kind of into the idea of partying with two babies. i’m sure sewing mom is pretty relieved, especially about still being able to sew stuff that she can fit into, right?” that is true. although i suspect i will just experiment with making my own maternity clothes when the time comes. i bet it’s not that hard. jared also said, “man, ramona can’t walk yet & this other baby can’t even get it together to keep dividing into a bigger clump of cells. why are all of our kids so lazy?” that made me laugh pretty hard.
i was pretty on the fence about sharing this, but you know. it’s the reason why there’s been some radio silence here lately.
in other news, ramona is still not walking. or standing unsupported. she’s almost sixteen months old (over fourteen months gestationally). she has recently started scuttling around the house on her hands & feet, which could be a step in the right direction? i think i remember some kids from her playgroup getting around similarly right before they started walking.
she’s added some new words. she reclaimed “dada” from her memory banks & it’s her new favorite. i took her to the library this morning & i was like, “can you say mama? mama?” usually all she has to hear is, “can you say…” & she’s all, “mama! mama!” but lately i ask her to say mama & her face lights up & she says, “dada! dada!” jared had spring break last week & spent a lot of extra time with her, so now she’s on a huge dad kick. he’s definitely a more “fun” parent than i am, if your idea of fun is going to the playground everyday & getting pushed really high on the swings & going down the twisty slide over & over & getting turned upside down all the time & being allowed to climb on to the tables at the library & being fed ice cream. i mean, if you’re into that kind of thing. it all sounds pretty lame to me. (not really.)
she’s also pretty good at saying “hi,” “yay,” & “whee”. she knows to wave for “goodbye” & “goodnight”. sometimes she says things that sound like “okay,” “banana,” & once even “i can do it myself”. really! & she says “nana” or “nona” for “ramona”.
she is also a complete terror baby. she knows how to open the pantry door now, which is awful. there’s all kinds of dangerous stuff in there. things she can pull down on her head, plastic grocery bags, sharp tin can lids…we need to just get a hook & eye for the door. it’ll be a pain in the ass at first, but we’ll get used to it.
she’s also really tall, which means she is tall enough to reach the tops of our desks, my sewing table, the butcher block, etc. things are safe as long as we keep them far away from the edges of the tables, but someday she’s going to learn how to climb on to an adult-sized chair & then all bets are off. she can also reach doorknobs & the knobs on the stove. (luckily she doesn’t know how to turn them yet.) when i’m in the middle of a sewing project (as i almost always am), my dewing table is a wasteland of baby dangers: an iron, a box of pins, a needle case, sewing shears, embroidery scissors. to say nothing of delicate things (like tissue paper patterns) that a baby could easily destroy. i really wish sometimes that i had discovered the joys of sewing BEFORE i had a baby. oh well.
i stopped pumping a couple of weeks ago! i was down to just once a day, but it’s still really nice to not being doing it AT ALL. i was hoping i had enough frozen milk stashed away to see ramona through to 18 months, but i don’t think i do. had i never given any away, i’d have enough to see her through at least three years of age, but that also would have required like ten more deep freezes. so it’s okay. mostly we give her regular cow milk. i’ve noticed that she’s a lot more susceptible to colds now that she isn’t getting breast milk everyday. she’s gotten two in the last month, compared to two in the entire first year before that. so i’m not stoked about that, but spring is almost here.
& spring means BABY ROMPER SEASON. i’m so glad i had a girl because baby rompers are pretty much the world’s cutest clothing but they aren’t really for boys. & yes, i feel totally weird saying that, because obviously any baby can wear whatever it wants. but rompers are not designed with boy babies in mind, even as a remote possibility. i’m obsessed with rompers. i am powerless in the face of a cute romper in ramona’s size. & she looks so good in them!
i bought another romper in yellow with butterflies or something on it the other day. i told jared, “it’s weird that i think rompers look so good on ramona but not on myself.” he was like, “there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, given that you are an adult woman. i only wish the fashion industry saw things the same way & stopped making adult rompers.”
i have been making dresses for myself though & finished a new one last night, but i am saving it for another post because i don’t want my dress post getting all mucked up with baby/miscarriage talk.