i hit 20 weeks yesterday! what a milestone. i celebrated by buying a new pair of maternity jeans (pro-tip: full-panel maternity jeans from target may actually fit better than full-panel maternity jeans from the gap, & they cost half as much) & going out for a turkey sandwich & a chocolate chip cookie before passing out with my snoogle.
i had my second trimester anatomy scan on friday. that’s where they measure everything they can & check out how all the organs & limbs & everything are developing. i got to see the heart, with all four chambers pumping away, the perfect little spine, the kidneys, the bladder, the brain, both arms & hands & all ten fingers, both legs & feet & all ten toes…the tech even got a few good shots of the baby’s face. it kept opening & closing its mouth, like a goldfish. it was probably practicing swallowing. it’s been swallowing amniotic fluid for weeks now. a completely corny part of me also thinks maybe it was saying, “hi, mom! i love you, even though i spend most of my waking hours head-butting you in the cervix!”
i was amazed looking at the baby’s face. i think it looks just like jared. i know that’s kind of a crazy thing to say, because it’s a blurry, grainy, black & white blob, but i feel like i see his chin, his mouth, his nose…& of course i am hopeful that the baby will inherit his huge beautiful eyes. supposedly newborns tend to look like their fathers for evolutionary reasons (or so the theory goes)–so the dude will see himself in the baby & therefore be motivated by his lizard brain to care for it. maybe my own lizard brain is making me think the baby looks like him. the ultrasound tech gave me a 3D image of the baby’s face (which i find really creepy–i didn’t ask for any 3D imaging specifically because i hate it; fetuses in 3D always look like they’re made out of play-doh & it’s just not cute at all, i don’t know why people are willing to spend so much money on 3D ultrasound packages). i spliced it together with my favorite photo of jared & asked him if i could put it on facebook. he said no because “it’s really scary, no one wants to see that.” so i’ll put it here instead, because it’s funny.
the tech also told me the baby’s sex. so yeah, now i know if i am having a little boy or a little girl. i can now think of the baby by name. but i can’t tell anyone because jared wants to be surprised at the birth & i don’t want to risk telling a few people & somehow having the news get back to him.
finding out the sex was a lot different than i expected it to be. i gave a lot of thought to whether i wanted to know at all, & i ultimately decided that knowing might help me bond with the baby a little bit more, & i could start wrapping my head around whatever gut reactions i have to the info. but i had a much larger reaction than i expected. people warned me that i would lose my shit & start crying from happiness the first time i heard my baby’s heartbeat, but i had almost no reaction at all. i was relieved that it HAD a heartbeat, but other than that…no big whoop. but when the tech said, “it’s a (fill in sex here),” i LOST it. not in a bad way. it was just a much more emotional moment for me than i had ever expected. i think it really made the baby seem real for the first time, even though obviously my body is changing in huge ways & i’ve been feeling the baby kicking in there for several weeks. obviously, knowing if the baby’s plumbing is indoor or outdoor tells me nothing about what its interests will be, what its positive & negative qualities will be, what our relationship will be like, etc. it just gives me some idea if it’s going to be peeing more toward the front or the back of the diaper. but when i am trying to sleep & the baby starts kicking me in the cervix, somehow thinking, “that’s my little (boy/girl) in there,” makes the whole thing more tolerable…even kind of cute.
of course, while i was in the bathroom at the hospital, wiping ultrasound goo off my belly, i totally found myself thinking, “we need to have another kid so we can have one of the other sex too.” i certainly never expected to be thinking like that! i mean, let’s just let this one hatch & see how parenthood suits us before we upgrade to a four-bedroom house.
anyway, the baby looks great, it’s measuring three days ahead & weighs twelve ounces. i’m still nice & healthy. my blood pressure was just a touch high, maybe because i was still fighting back sniffles from the whole gender reveal situation. the baby is head down & wedged behind my pubic bone. i mean, it can move all it wants, that’s just where it likes to hang out, & it is wicked uncomfortable for me. being able to pick stuff up off the floor is now a dream of the past. it’s actually fairly painful just to walk. but it’s tolerable for now. i’ll probably be singing a different tune when the baby expands to seven pounds. but the first twenty weeks have flown by; hopefully the next twenty will as well!